Date: 5/28/2015

Title: BUILDING TRUST

By Jennifer Erickson

Trust is a cornerstone of relationships. When constructing buildings, a cornerstone is usually the first part of the building to be positioned. It is at the corner, providing a foundation for all future growth. Building further, adding more materials to the side and to the top, flow out of this cornerstone. Without trust, relationships can’t spread to others (akin to the horizontal structure of a building). Without trust, relationships can’t grow (similar to the vertical height of a building). Trust is often cited as a reason that relationships or business deals fail. With a shrug of shoulders, people say, “I just can’t trust him. I don’t want to work with him. I can’t be around him. He’s burned me before.”

Some people think that if trust is absent in a relationship, the affiliation is doomed. Some think that when trust is violated, it can never be rebuilt. It is almost as though “trust” is thought of as a black and white concept……it is either there, or it isn’t. Actually, “trust” can be thought of as being on a continuum….it can be present in different degrees.

We live in a world that is interdependent. We depend on others, and they depend on us. Unless you hold vast wealth and can live on your own private island in the South Pacific, you will need to interact with people. You will need to accomplish goals through people. Interdependence requires collaboration. Collaboration is built on a foundation of trust.

Think about who is in your relationship network. Whom do you see on a regular basis? With whom do you work on projects? On whom do you rely? Jot some notes on a piece of scrap paper. List these people, then record the degree of interdependence you share. Now write the degree of collaboration you have with each person. What are the barriers that keep you from collaborating as much as you would like? If you could remove the barriers, you would move higher on the trust continuum.

Trust is a confidence in relationships, in a person. It is the degree to which you believe a person will meet your expectations, will hold your confidence, will support you. One of the key to successes in business and personal relationships is trust. What kind of a trusting environment are you creating? Do people trust you and want to be around you?

There are many behaviors you can use to build trust with people and construct an environment that is trusting. Behaviors cover personal as well as professional relationships. Seven key ones are: know yourself and act with integrity, do what you say you will do, be transparent, be consistent, be sincere about your valuing of others, accept responsibility for your decision/actions, and communicate from a position of “win-win”.

To know yourself and act with integrity means you are aware of your strengths, blind spots, prejudices, passions, habits, history, etc. You are able to use this knowledge to its fullest. And when necessary, you can separate this knowledge from a decision that needs to be made. People will see you as acting for the best interest of a company, department, or person. To act with integrity means you are honest and reliable. These are great foundations on which to build trust.

Follow through on what you say. Do what you say you will do. People pay attention to behaviors, not words. There is an old saying, “I can’t hear what you are saying; your behavior is drowning out your words”. If you say you will do something, then do it. Keep your commitments. If something happens to stop you from doing what you stated, then tell people you will not be able to do it. If you don’t think you can get something accomplished, say that up front.

To be transparent means to be open about processes and decisions. It doesn’t mean that you air all the dirty laundry that went into a decision. It does mean that you are clear about reasons for your choices. And, that these reasons stay consistent. To be transparent is to demonstrate that you trust others, and believe they are capable of handling information used to make decisions. It is another way to demonstrate your integrity, as you are showing people how you arrived at a decision. To be transparent removes “We are doing this, because I said so; because I am the boss; because I am in charge of this relationship.” Transparency creates a more equal relationship. When parties feel equal in a relationship (or as equal as is possible, given the parameters), they feel more trusting.

Being consistent means that you are predictable. People trust what they can predict. Follow similar reasoning for decision-making. Keep the processes similar. Treat the same person in the same manner across different situations. The constant in a situation needs to be you and your values. Speak consistently. Use language that people understand. Choose behaviors that clarify expectations, then show how your decision-making process helped achieve expectations.

People are a company’s greatest asset. And, unless you are on that island in the South Pacific, people are your constant companion. Value others sincerely. Tell others how much you appreciate them. Communicate how much you need them. Make sure you mean it, when you say it. People can spot a phony compliment in a second. Respect others through your language and behaviors. Provide opportunities for people to be successful and to challenge themselves, so they learn. Be public when praising a person for his/her addition to a project. Encourage calculated risk-taking.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where it has become second nature to blame others for problems. There are actual jobs where people are paid to “spin” an event so the person writing their paycheck is portrayed in a positive light. To build trust, accept responsibility for your decisions and actions. If you have made a mistake, acknowledge this. Don’t blame or justify, just acknowledge. If you wrong someone, ask for forgiveness. Make the situation right through correction by you. Tell people what you’ve learned from the incident and how you will behave differently, so the mistake is not repeated.

To communicate from a position of “win-win” means to always be looking for ways that both parties can walk away from a situation believing they have achieved something they felt was necessary. It creates synergy. See people as allies, rather than adversaries. Learn about their viewpoints, rather than push your own agenda. This requires you to listen first, before doing anything else. Listening happens when we are fully focused on the other person. It does not happen when we are planning our grocery list in our head, or planning our rebuttal response to the person. It happens when we truly hear their words, recognize the underlying perceptions, and acknowledge their feelings.

Trust is a necessary ingredient in any relationship. Its absence writes a recipe for low empowerment, lack of creativity, decreased productivity, and suspicion about motives. You can’t create a learning or caring environment, when people are spending their time looking over their shoulders or waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Building trust requires that certain behaviors be exhibited. The seven behaviors discussed in this article will help you build relationships which can be empowering, energetic, rewarding, and caring. Trust is present on a continuum. You can make choices that will improve the trust in your relationships.

To learn more about how to practice this understanding, contact Results Group, LLC at www.ResultsGroupLLC.com or 515-330-2866.