Date: 4/20/2015

Title: CONFLICT RESOLUTION - PART 1

Just hearing the word “conflict” conjures negative images in our minds. We remember having a difficult time with a friend or family member. Our mouths go dry. Our stomachs begin to hurt. We focus on the word “conflict” and miss the word “resolution”.

Conflict is not negative….at least it doesn’t have to be. Conflict is simply any situation in which one person’s concerns are different from those of another person. The resolution piece is the behavior we choose to demonstrate. We can choose to be aggressive and disrespectful in handling conflict. We can choose to avoid and hope the problem goes away. Or, we can choose to create a “win-win” situation for everyone involved.

If conflict is a matter of being in a situation where someone has concerns which are different than mine, then that’s not so bad, is it? It is a normal, everyday occurrence to have ideas that are different from another person’s. Thank goodness for that! If we didn’t experience hearing different ideas, then we’d miss out on that creative spin given to something, or learning about something new that helped us develop further.

Conflict can result from an honest difference of opinion. I don’t know any group of people who agree on everything, when they get together. These differences of opinions can come about from dissimilar perspectives, mismatched goals, or positional inequities. Again, normal occurrences.

Problems develop when we cross over into an unhealthy conflict. This happens when we allow our emotions to rule our behaviors; when we personalize an issue; when it is more important to us to win, than to understand. The resulting behaviors can be ugly…..yelling, name calling, stomping off in a huff, slamming doors, stubborn silence, refusal to meet someone halfway. This is the vision that makes some people steer clear of “conflict resolution” and say, “I don’t like conflict”.

Actually, conflict can be a positive thing. Think back on our history as a society. Nothing major was ever accomplished without experiencing some conflict, some pain. A group had to stand up for beliefs by stating that their concerns were different from others. Much discussion had to occur, before the situation changed…improved.

One of the keys is to recognize the symptoms of conflict, in either our personal or professional lives. The environment would be tense and unfriendly, with people acting in a manner that was defensive and highly reactive. There would be little trust and a lot of looking out for oneself.

In a professional environment like this, personal productivity and engagement would decrease. Yes, you might meet your quarterly goals, but it would take more effort. There would be less collaboration; and therefore, less creativity. A person might be more focused on protecting himself/herself rather than sharing ideas and meeting customer needs.

In a personal environment like this, you might feel overwhelmed and tired. Much energy would be placed in ensuring you had a comeback and a way to protect yourself.

Unresolved conflict is not healthy. It saps our energy and creativity. We approach situations with a feeling of dread. While conflict resolution is the preference, our style of handling it can also lead to problems. Success and resolve happen when we use a conflict-management style that fits the situation.

To learn more about how to practice this understanding, contact Results Group, LLC at www.ResultsGroupLLC.com or 515-330-2866.